first things first-baby blues-happiness.

FIRST THINGS FIRST
{Update on Utah Life:}
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I have definitely been absent from the blogging world. Just haven't made time, or made it a priority which is actually sad when you think about it. 

Anyways, of course things have happened because about 4/5 months have passed. My last post was about my cute family moving to Utah. We made it and are loving it:

1. There are many more options for activities.
2. We have seen our family more it seems than when we were in Idaho, they love to visit or family here in Utah invite us over for dinner, which is VERY much appreciated.
3. Our ward is great, older, but very welcoming and comfortable.
4. Ryan is loving his job at Telarus. My marketing man :)
5. Blaire and I love to walk to the library, play with cousins on Wednesdays, go to the park, and the list goes on. {Haven't been able to go outside because the weather is lame, whatever it is still beauitful outside haha, just chilly!}

All in all we are thankful to be here.
It feels good to be in a place where you know you should be.

{adventures and many not pictured below}

{all of us at RITA's yum} 

{my cousin chandler is a hockey pro}

{one of many BYU games}

{the superbowl with aunt Stacy,
yes we are still broncos fans}

{cute baby olive}

{wedding day for the cousin!} 

{dinner our family's favorite place - the pie}

{park time with cousins}

{chuckie cheese}

{black bear diner with these babes}

{temple square}

{us and "kent"} 

{womens conference with brit}

BABY BLUES
{Oh the joys of pregnancy:}
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I found out I was pregnant at about 8 weeks, sometime in January. I am going to be honest with you all, pregnancy doesn't look good on the inside for me. Let me explain.

I am very very very extrememly moody. Some might call it the "baby blues". Those first 12-15 weeks I am not fun to be around, I am sick, I am selfish, and I feel worthless. It is hard hurdle to get over. Even my relationships with those I care about gets all screwy, people walk on egg shells around me in a sense, especially my adorable hubs. There are tears {uncontrollable ones mainly} and I don't know how to get a hold of my priorities or my grasp on life.

{Geee this is depressing haha}

Having that feeling of being overwhelmed, comparing myself to other mothers who seem to have it all together, amongst other thoughts consume me. I worry I won't be able to be the mother my children need in all honesty. HOWEVER, thanks to a loving Heavenly Father and Savior I know that this doesn't have to be the case; especially a husband who puts things in perspective and is patient beyond words with me.

I have learned PRAYER is key. Also, not being "pretty enough" or "motherly enough" should never be thoughts to cross my mind. I am a good mother and I do try my best. Being a perfectionist is a curse, but a blessing. MAKING MISTAKES are acceptable.

I thought to share this little insight because feeling this way these past couple months, I have hindered myself to grow spiritually, and closer to those around me. I look back and realize how much happier I could have let myself be. It is hard to choose to be happy. I don't know if I am the only one that goes through this, seems like many love pregnancy haha I don't at first but I do find that happiness.

Choose it though, it is worth it.


HAPPINESS
{If you're happy and you know it:}
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It wasn't that I lost my happiness because of pregnancy, but I lost how to let myself be happy which is sad haha. BUT I recently have overcome this roadblock that seems so silly now thinking about it. I have many blessings to look forward too, especially a new little boy in August!

The Bennion name lives on!
{Ryan's family was getting a little worried haha}

What a joy it is to know our family is expanding and there is already so much love for this little boy. Similar to when I was pregnant with Blaire, this joy of having a child to call my own, to share that with Ryan is really wonderful. We are blessed to be able to have this experience.

Life has been amazing to me, blues and all.
 I couldn't have asked for a better one, and the best part is, it isn't over :)

Much Love,

JPB

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{ps: don't forget it is conference this weekend, watch it!
COME LISTEN TO A PROPHETS VOICE}