10 things I hate about me...

Weaknesses can get the best of us sometimes, from small to big it can all add up. However, it feels accomplishing when you handle those weaknesses to the best of your ability and see the end result. That you can overcome them. Some of these weaknesses are silly, some are more serious, but all in all this is me and my imperfections. Not in a specific order, just 10 things I have thought about before, some too often, but now I realize how I am better because of them.

1. "You can dance if you want to..."

Many of you know, or don't, but I danced for 18 years. This isn't a weakness mind you but a talent that I tried to perfect. I really enjoyed dancing, it got me out of my element. Helped me escape a lot of things I was going through in my environment and personally. During high school I kind of lost who I was. Everyone goes through that and probably knows what I am talking about. I was angry, frustrated, and wanted things now spiritual and worldly. I was not patient. It fed into my dancing and I became lazy and just didn't care. I worried too much what others were thinking, how I looked, what they were saying. Now by all means I wasn't the greatest dancer haha but I could have been better. However, I had those moments when dancing when I felt the most beautiful, myself, etc. It may not have shown :/ haha but I am thankful for those who I danced beside with. I had the best of friends/instructors and I new I was welcome regardless of my small dancing talent and the frustration. I know now to live in the moment, be myself at all times. Finding happiness is much easier than attempting to hate it because I don't have it.

2. "...I am only resolved to act in that manner, which will, in my own opinion, constitute happiness, without reference to you or to any person so wholly unconnected with me..."
-Elizabeth Bennet (Pride & Prejudice)

Oh man was I very rude to boys haha. I didn't give myself a chance to open my heart. I was very guarded in letting myself get to know people. Even if a guy just wanted to be friends I would always think their intention was more. It scared me and I shut myself out. I for sure had commitment issues in the simplest ways. I could have accepted more date offers, more friendships, etc. But as I got older I realized those close to me who had made relationship mistakes, didn't reflect who I had to be. It took some time but I found my guy! Ryan was someone who helped me fully open my heart and accept that I can make happiness work.

3. "I don't think we are in Kansas anymore..."

I am slightly obsessed with movies/TV I get so intrigued with the story, but I also am curious on where how the movies/shows are made, the director etc. Not that this is bad, but when my time was more focused on that than other priorities I realized I had to change this habit. I sometimes would rather be watching something than sleeping, chores around the house, and other simple things. It has never gotten to the point where I neglect my husband or children thankfully. I realized way before this time how important family time is. I guess growing up, being the only child for sometime, being alone a lot, I would put on movies and let my imagination be where they were. I was always imagining, making my own movies, writing stories, etc. Pretty sure if you ask me about a movie/TV show I will know something about it. There are so many stories told, many ways to encourage creativity, many ways to touch others personally in their hearts, teach life long lessons, I love it! But when it consumes you be wary. There are more important things to consume your life with.

4. Call me the D.U.F.F. (Dude's ugly fat friend.) 

In high school I was always the funny, weird friend jumping from group to group (literally). I saw all my beautiful friends get boyfriends, date, be liked. I wasn't jealous but I just put myself in a situation where I pretended not to care what I looked or felt like.  Mainly because of the above #2 but also because I didn't think I had a chance. I enjoyed wearing my sweats to school but I could have groomed myself in a better manner. I am sure I stunk sometimes, haha but as I got older I realized that I am beautiful. I can feel pretty with the little I have. I can have my own voice on what I like or don't like. I want my children to have that too, I want to feel beautiful for my husband, I want to feel pretty myself. I want to feel how my Heavenly Father and Christ feel about me. And I do! (Now, I am a woman haha so sometimes it can get the better of me, BUT I am much more positive about ME than I have been before.) Which is normal right? I think that is what you do as you get older, realize your worth in a new perspective. 

5. "Ommpa loopma doopady doo..."

Yikes I love chocolate. Sometimes I don't know when to stop when I get a treat. My mom always makes yummy desserts, her sister does, and I do too. Not sure what it is but we love the sweets. Not sure if being danish has anything to do with that? But anyways, I do know when to stop. I have been eating much more healthy, which in turn, helps my family realize how to eat better too. Dessert every now and again doesn't hurt however :) 

6. What was that? I couldn't hear you...

Oh, my voice. Sometimes I can yell and it isn't pretty. I do really hate this about me. However the past couple years, since marriage and children, I have come to learn that if I don't pray for patience and to have a calm voice in all things, yelling is more likely to happen when I am frustrated. However, those moments of frustration aren't something I want my family to remember me by as little moments they are. Prayer has helped me greatly because of this, our home is filled with more love because my willing to try and be better each day. It works and I can't deny that. 

7. "My precious..."

I don't know what it is but I love thrifting. It once got to the point of where I could of had my own shop. haha seriously! I would collect things because I had an idea in my head but then could only finish half the project. Mainly because I didn't have enough $$$ to put into it, I didn't make the time, or I actually thought I could do it and couldn't haha which really makes me laugh. I found that this wasn't healthy. I saw it a lot around me, the idea of promising something or doing something and not following through. It became a habit of something I new I needed to change. For quite sometime now I have a rule, if I don't do the project within that month I bought it for it goes away! Bye bye! I do this with clothes too. It really does help, keeps my house clean and less clutter. I hate that clutter. 

8. "I want the truth..."

I am very quick to assume. Assume someone is upset with me, or someone doesn't like me and I thought we were good friends, etc., usually assuming the worst case scenario. I think it is just my imagination but it can over shadow what I truly do know deep down. Whether the assumptions are true or not, I can tell you first hand letting those things consume you is exhausting! I have learned since that doing this, allows others to in away control your life is somewhat weird and strange. It is much easier to put those thoughts away and live your life happily with what is in front of you, and not others who could or could not be saying what you think. Really is awkward having this problem but I am pretty sure it is more common than I think haha. 

9. "You can't handle the truth..."

I get offended quickly! I don't know what it is about me but like I said in #8 I quickly assume which leads to getting offended, which leads to confusion, which leads to a mess! I use to jump to many conclusions all at once but now I stop and think. Sounds simple and easy enough to step back and think about what I am saying but it can be hard to focus on what the problem really is. Can you imagine me focusing? haha jk. But in all seriousness I have a wonderful patient husband who has helped me understand that my thoughts get the best of me when I get upset with others. 

10. "I want the world...I want the whole world..."

Okay I am not evil, haha but I am very impatient at times. I have gotten in trouble because of it. Or, I missed out on something better because I couldn't wait. These are little things but they can add up to what I recognized to be a concern for myself. If I am impatient outside the home, I will be inside. It can cause a lot of strife if you don't wait on any level of patience, from waiting to buy a house, or to see if your pregnant, etc. we all wait for things. Some do so better than others which I admire. I mentioned before if I don't pray for this each day, my day doesn't go as smooth. I get frustrated because I can't have what I want or need right then. BUT, good things come to those who wait and I have realized that more and more each day. :) 


This was a lot longer than anticipated but hey might as well go all out. And of course I can never just say one sentence haha. What are your weaknesses? Or vices? Spill the beans! Always good to know I am not alone...

Much Love,

JPB