10 things I hate about me...

Weaknesses can get the best of us sometimes, from small to big it can all add up. However, it feels accomplishing when you handle those weaknesses to the best of your ability and see the end result. That you can overcome them. Some of these weaknesses are silly, some are more serious, but all in all this is me and my imperfections. Not in a specific order, just 10 things I have thought about before, some too often, but now I realize how I am better because of them.

1. "You can dance if you want to..."

Many of you know, or don't, but I danced for 18 years. This isn't a weakness mind you but a talent that I tried to perfect. I really enjoyed dancing, it got me out of my element. Helped me escape a lot of things I was going through in my environment and personally. During high school I kind of lost who I was. Everyone goes through that and probably knows what I am talking about. I was angry, frustrated, and wanted things now spiritual and worldly. I was not patient. It fed into my dancing and I became lazy and just didn't care. I worried too much what others were thinking, how I looked, what they were saying. Now by all means I wasn't the greatest dancer haha but I could have been better. However, I had those moments when dancing when I felt the most beautiful, myself, etc. It may not have shown :/ haha but I am thankful for those who I danced beside with. I had the best of friends/instructors and I new I was welcome regardless of my small dancing talent and the frustration. I know now to live in the moment, be myself at all times. Finding happiness is much easier than attempting to hate it because I don't have it.

2. "...I am only resolved to act in that manner, which will, in my own opinion, constitute happiness, without reference to you or to any person so wholly unconnected with me..."
-Elizabeth Bennet (Pride & Prejudice)

Oh man was I very rude to boys haha. I didn't give myself a chance to open my heart. I was very guarded in letting myself get to know people. Even if a guy just wanted to be friends I would always think their intention was more. It scared me and I shut myself out. I for sure had commitment issues in the simplest ways. I could have accepted more date offers, more friendships, etc. But as I got older I realized those close to me who had made relationship mistakes, didn't reflect who I had to be. It took some time but I found my guy! Ryan was someone who helped me fully open my heart and accept that I can make happiness work.

3. "I don't think we are in Kansas anymore..."

I am slightly obsessed with movies/TV I get so intrigued with the story, but I also am curious on where how the movies/shows are made, the director etc. Not that this is bad, but when my time was more focused on that than other priorities I realized I had to change this habit. I sometimes would rather be watching something than sleeping, chores around the house, and other simple things. It has never gotten to the point where I neglect my husband or children thankfully. I realized way before this time how important family time is. I guess growing up, being the only child for sometime, being alone a lot, I would put on movies and let my imagination be where they were. I was always imagining, making my own movies, writing stories, etc. Pretty sure if you ask me about a movie/TV show I will know something about it. There are so many stories told, many ways to encourage creativity, many ways to touch others personally in their hearts, teach life long lessons, I love it! But when it consumes you be wary. There are more important things to consume your life with.

4. Call me the D.U.F.F. (Dude's ugly fat friend.) 

In high school I was always the funny, weird friend jumping from group to group (literally). I saw all my beautiful friends get boyfriends, date, be liked. I wasn't jealous but I just put myself in a situation where I pretended not to care what I looked or felt like.  Mainly because of the above #2 but also because I didn't think I had a chance. I enjoyed wearing my sweats to school but I could have groomed myself in a better manner. I am sure I stunk sometimes, haha but as I got older I realized that I am beautiful. I can feel pretty with the little I have. I can have my own voice on what I like or don't like. I want my children to have that too, I want to feel beautiful for my husband, I want to feel pretty myself. I want to feel how my Heavenly Father and Christ feel about me. And I do! (Now, I am a woman haha so sometimes it can get the better of me, BUT I am much more positive about ME than I have been before.) Which is normal right? I think that is what you do as you get older, realize your worth in a new perspective. 

5. "Ommpa loopma doopady doo..."

Yikes I love chocolate. Sometimes I don't know when to stop when I get a treat. My mom always makes yummy desserts, her sister does, and I do too. Not sure what it is but we love the sweets. Not sure if being danish has anything to do with that? But anyways, I do know when to stop. I have been eating much more healthy, which in turn, helps my family realize how to eat better too. Dessert every now and again doesn't hurt however :) 

6. What was that? I couldn't hear you...

Oh, my voice. Sometimes I can yell and it isn't pretty. I do really hate this about me. However the past couple years, since marriage and children, I have come to learn that if I don't pray for patience and to have a calm voice in all things, yelling is more likely to happen when I am frustrated. However, those moments of frustration aren't something I want my family to remember me by as little moments they are. Prayer has helped me greatly because of this, our home is filled with more love because my willing to try and be better each day. It works and I can't deny that. 

7. "My precious..."

I don't know what it is but I love thrifting. It once got to the point of where I could of had my own shop. haha seriously! I would collect things because I had an idea in my head but then could only finish half the project. Mainly because I didn't have enough $$$ to put into it, I didn't make the time, or I actually thought I could do it and couldn't haha which really makes me laugh. I found that this wasn't healthy. I saw it a lot around me, the idea of promising something or doing something and not following through. It became a habit of something I new I needed to change. For quite sometime now I have a rule, if I don't do the project within that month I bought it for it goes away! Bye bye! I do this with clothes too. It really does help, keeps my house clean and less clutter. I hate that clutter. 

8. "I want the truth..."

I am very quick to assume. Assume someone is upset with me, or someone doesn't like me and I thought we were good friends, etc., usually assuming the worst case scenario. I think it is just my imagination but it can over shadow what I truly do know deep down. Whether the assumptions are true or not, I can tell you first hand letting those things consume you is exhausting! I have learned since that doing this, allows others to in away control your life is somewhat weird and strange. It is much easier to put those thoughts away and live your life happily with what is in front of you, and not others who could or could not be saying what you think. Really is awkward having this problem but I am pretty sure it is more common than I think haha. 

9. "You can't handle the truth..."

I get offended quickly! I don't know what it is about me but like I said in #8 I quickly assume which leads to getting offended, which leads to confusion, which leads to a mess! I use to jump to many conclusions all at once but now I stop and think. Sounds simple and easy enough to step back and think about what I am saying but it can be hard to focus on what the problem really is. Can you imagine me focusing? haha jk. But in all seriousness I have a wonderful patient husband who has helped me understand that my thoughts get the best of me when I get upset with others. 

10. "I want the world...I want the whole world..."

Okay I am not evil, haha but I am very impatient at times. I have gotten in trouble because of it. Or, I missed out on something better because I couldn't wait. These are little things but they can add up to what I recognized to be a concern for myself. If I am impatient outside the home, I will be inside. It can cause a lot of strife if you don't wait on any level of patience, from waiting to buy a house, or to see if your pregnant, etc. we all wait for things. Some do so better than others which I admire. I mentioned before if I don't pray for this each day, my day doesn't go as smooth. I get frustrated because I can't have what I want or need right then. BUT, good things come to those who wait and I have realized that more and more each day. :) 


This was a lot longer than anticipated but hey might as well go all out. And of course I can never just say one sentence haha. What are your weaknesses? Or vices? Spill the beans! Always good to know I am not alone...

Much Love,

JPB

chao twenty fourteen...

{Thanksgiving}

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Ryan had a huge family reunion! His mom's parents and siblings were all able to come together for it! There was about 75 people give or take at Thanksgiving dinner. Kind of a lot haha. We reserved a church building for it all or else we wouldn't have been able to eat together. We stayed in a hotel for a couple days for a somewhat "stay"cation to spend as much time with all these people Ryan hasn't seen in 5 plus years. We loved it! It was really fun to see everyone and learn more about Ryan's grandparents. On top of Thanksgiving we celebrated their 65th (I think) anniversary, and both of their birthday's the day after Thanksgiving at the church. Sadly, Ryan's grandmother Nyda has a very severe onset of Alzheimer's. She can say maybe one or two words in her rambling, however she still is so spunky and will smile and love on the grandkids. The highlight of it all for us was to see the love Ryans grandfather, Alec, show his love for Nyda and for the Savior. He is one of the most service oriented and thoughtful man I have ever met. To hear the stories their children shared, to see him hug his family for so long and not let go, to hear him pray, to hear him talk about his sweet wife, words can't describe. I was in such awe. We have a great example and legacy to live up to! :)

So adorable.

{Christmas}

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For the past 5 years I have been able to go to my mom's for Christmas. It is hard because, as I said before, we have a lot of family and everyone wants to see us. I actually did see some of my mom's family because my aunt put on a gingerbread house party!

 It is hard to see all our family sadly, we don't like it! However, this year we thought it best to visit my dad in Kennewick, Washington. He is always a fun guy to be around, lots of stories and thoughts on a wide range of topics. It is nice because we got to just do whatever haha no obligations really. I love that aspect and atmosphere my mom (pam) creates. We haven't seen them on a Christmas for awhile. It was a relaxing and enjoyable time, hanging out, making dinner, and chilling with my siblings that I never see. The weather was actually gorgeous (until we had to leave & mind you we left at the worst time possible because the blues were horribly covered in snow yikes!). We went to a couple of movies, Into the Woods (the boys didn't go haha get real). We liked Into the Woods, little strange at times. I do love the music though and I knew the story already so I was expecting the outcome it had. A lot of people I guess were hating on it. haha whatever I like musicals. Also, Ryan and I were able to go on a date and we saw St. Vincent (hilarious Bill Murray independent movie haha I would suggest it!). 

Yummy Treats!  

 

Ryan always writes me cute
notes for my presents :)

Dad & brooks so exhausted! :) 

{New Years}

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Ryan's uncle, Grant, invites whoever is around for a New Years Eve/Day get together! This year, Ryan's brother Glen and his cute family were able to come too before they go back to Washington. Grant's kids (cousins Ryan and Glen are close with), and his wife's kids were all there too! We played games, ate delicious food (always have some homemade Mexican in the mix) and stayed up probably too late haha after our simple countdown and I can't forget my New Year's kiss with my love! :) It was fun and hope we get to do it again. The next day we decided to go see the New Years Day sales, and oh my. Dillards is crazy. My sister-in-law Hailey and her family are all about this sale. She is always raving about how amazing it is! :) So this year Ryan's cousins (the girls) and I went to check it out. All I say is insane, it's like Black Friday! haha. Unfortunately we didn't find anything, we got there late. Now we know for next year what to do if we want anything! We were total rookies. 

Blaire & cousin Gracie!

Anyways, I always look forward to the end of the year because of all the family we get to see. This year was just that! :) With the holiday season, Brooks being born in August, a fun summer, etc. twenty fourteen was perfect. I do wish it could have ended on a lighter note. I had to close my business, but only temporary until we move.

Let me explain... 

When I first moved to Utah I got my Sales Tax license and thought that was all I needed. In Idaho, I didn't need to get separate license for the city I lived in to allow me to sell. However, I do in Utah. So I was sent a letter saying I would get a citation if I didn't get this license because I apparently received a letter I didn't respond to! Yikes! So I got it all situated and they were very kind about it all. No fines, etc. All I had left to do was get the property manager of the complex we live at to sign a form saying it was okay. Through a bunch of phone calls, and driving all over the city, the owner won't sign the papers because I would be liable? And they couldn't tell me how I would be. I am still waiting to hear back from them since they have been closed for New Years. Mainly, I was just frustrated because it was something I worked so hard for and tried to make it mine and it was/is! :) Not that it was the most popular, or the most interesting to others but I really like doing what I do for others using my creative side. I still don't have a full answer why and that doesn't make it any better. I was so upset I was mad crying! haha I don't recall ever doing that before, but the best part about it all is a couple things. 1. I called Ryan right away and he said just what I needed and told me he loved me :) and then 2. The city is actually trying to find an answer as to why the owner won't let me too. 

Despite these strange but fun past couple days, I have a happy life and marriage, I have two crazy, spunky children, and I have a Savior who loves me for me. The best part of it is I am still learning how to balance it all and I love the challenge!

Can't complain about that. :)

chao twenty fourteen,

JPB

{ps. my cousin Chandler got his mission call to Toronto Canada! He actually kept it a secret from his parents for a long time! Seriously, way hard to keep that secret haha. He surprised them with an early christmas present and opened it Christmas Eve! They must know he likes hockey or something, eh? :)}