first things first-baby blues-happiness.

FIRST THINGS FIRST
{Update on Utah Life:}
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I have definitely been absent from the blogging world. Just haven't made time, or made it a priority which is actually sad when you think about it. 

Anyways, of course things have happened because about 4/5 months have passed. My last post was about my cute family moving to Utah. We made it and are loving it:

1. There are many more options for activities.
2. We have seen our family more it seems than when we were in Idaho, they love to visit or family here in Utah invite us over for dinner, which is VERY much appreciated.
3. Our ward is great, older, but very welcoming and comfortable.
4. Ryan is loving his job at Telarus. My marketing man :)
5. Blaire and I love to walk to the library, play with cousins on Wednesdays, go to the park, and the list goes on. {Haven't been able to go outside because the weather is lame, whatever it is still beauitful outside haha, just chilly!}

All in all we are thankful to be here.
It feels good to be in a place where you know you should be.

{adventures and many not pictured below}

{all of us at RITA's yum} 

{my cousin chandler is a hockey pro}

{one of many BYU games}

{the superbowl with aunt Stacy,
yes we are still broncos fans}

{cute baby olive}

{wedding day for the cousin!} 

{dinner our family's favorite place - the pie}

{park time with cousins}

{chuckie cheese}

{black bear diner with these babes}

{temple square}

{us and "kent"} 

{womens conference with brit}

BABY BLUES
{Oh the joys of pregnancy:}
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I found out I was pregnant at about 8 weeks, sometime in January. I am going to be honest with you all, pregnancy doesn't look good on the inside for me. Let me explain.

I am very very very extrememly moody. Some might call it the "baby blues". Those first 12-15 weeks I am not fun to be around, I am sick, I am selfish, and I feel worthless. It is hard hurdle to get over. Even my relationships with those I care about gets all screwy, people walk on egg shells around me in a sense, especially my adorable hubs. There are tears {uncontrollable ones mainly} and I don't know how to get a hold of my priorities or my grasp on life.

{Geee this is depressing haha}

Having that feeling of being overwhelmed, comparing myself to other mothers who seem to have it all together, amongst other thoughts consume me. I worry I won't be able to be the mother my children need in all honesty. HOWEVER, thanks to a loving Heavenly Father and Savior I know that this doesn't have to be the case; especially a husband who puts things in perspective and is patient beyond words with me.

I have learned PRAYER is key. Also, not being "pretty enough" or "motherly enough" should never be thoughts to cross my mind. I am a good mother and I do try my best. Being a perfectionist is a curse, but a blessing. MAKING MISTAKES are acceptable.

I thought to share this little insight because feeling this way these past couple months, I have hindered myself to grow spiritually, and closer to those around me. I look back and realize how much happier I could have let myself be. It is hard to choose to be happy. I don't know if I am the only one that goes through this, seems like many love pregnancy haha I don't at first but I do find that happiness.

Choose it though, it is worth it.


HAPPINESS
{If you're happy and you know it:}
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It wasn't that I lost my happiness because of pregnancy, but I lost how to let myself be happy which is sad haha. BUT I recently have overcome this roadblock that seems so silly now thinking about it. I have many blessings to look forward too, especially a new little boy in August!

The Bennion name lives on!
{Ryan's family was getting a little worried haha}

What a joy it is to know our family is expanding and there is already so much love for this little boy. Similar to when I was pregnant with Blaire, this joy of having a child to call my own, to share that with Ryan is really wonderful. We are blessed to be able to have this experience.

Life has been amazing to me, blues and all.
 I couldn't have asked for a better one, and the best part is, it isn't over :)

Much Love,

JPB

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{ps: don't forget it is conference this weekend, watch it!
COME LISTEN TO A PROPHETS VOICE}

cha cha cha change...

my last post was way too long away. for real. I have just been so busy, busy, but in a good way.

Remember when I said "something big is coming" well it is. 

My adorable husband, Ryan Gary Bennion, got a new job in Sandy, Utah. 

He works for a company called Telarus, he is loving every minute of it. He is on their marketing team, and is having a blast. I am really proud of him. It takes a lot to just get up and move, you know, that whole

leap of faith thing. 

It isn't easy, but it is what works best for our little family right now. 

SIDE NOTE: Prayer is probably one of the best things at a time like this; for guidance, comfort, keeping an open mind, and realizing what your priorities really are, and so much more. It also helped Ryan and I understand that asking for help is okay. Sometimes making your own decisions without that extra encouragement, or boost, whatever you want to call it, can be very difficult. Isn't it the best feeling though when you get that confirmation/prompting that you are doing something right? We think so. 

I definitely had my share of tears though, why you ask? haha well... 

1. Ryan is in Utah now staying at his dad's house in West Jordan. I am home alone and have been for 2 weeks now. Not fun. :( However, I have a lot more respect for those people who are single parents or in that same position. It is harder than I thought it would be. I would randomly cry at work, home, the bathroom, haha where ever. I didn't want him to go. 

2. There are so many places to live in Utah, it's insane. Really though. 

3. It will be hard moving away. I have a lot of family that is close here and good friends who I can count on. BUT I do have that same thing in Utah, haha but it will just be different. I have been an Idaho potato my whole life haha, I don't know if I can adapt to being a Utard 

(i mean that word -- the utard one -- with the most respect, I mean I am going to be one so...its a given)

4. I am way nervous about making friends? WHOA WHOA what was that? Ya, I said it. I have this thought process in my mind that tells me how competitive it is in Utah for woman and they have to do and be this to be something great. It stresses me out, weird I know, I can't help it. I am competitive but really hard on myself. Also, it is hard already being only 45 minutes away from friends now, how can I do it there? haha. Sounds silly, but I think everyone will forget about us haha. BUT I KNOW it isn't true, I have been thinking this lately after Ryan left and me being home alone. I think that is why I am so nervous to find friends in Utah too, it just all jumbles together I guess. 

5. I really REALLY want Blaire to know who she is as she is growing up in Utah. I want her to be confident and keep that bubbly personality of hers. I am a mother and guess I worry about these things more than I thought I would. 

6. (This doesn't make me cry but I thought I would add it to the list of my life haha) I am working for Ryan's stepdad right now. He is a lawyer for family law, and a pretty darn good one. His legal assistant left on maternity leave and I am helping him out for 6 weeks. I only have 2 more, but it is going by way fast because of how busy I am. I didn't realize what legal assistants do until now. And I don't think deciding how many copies of legal documents to send to court, clients, etc. would be so hard, haha I still can't keep it straight. It has been a great learning experience so far. Except I am never home anymore which is kind of hard, I MISS MY BABY! :) I got use to being a stay at home mom, and liked it. My grandma is kind enough to watch the babe which helps me out a lot! Other family members help when they can which is awesome! Makes it that much harder to leave to Utah. 

There are obviously a bunch more things going through my mind about going to Utah, mainly because I am a woman and have a major TO DO list that falls to my feet, but it will all work out. 

As of now, it is just me and little b. 

Excited for our new adventure :) 

MY SONGS IN ABCs

List #3: Moving
(somewhat satirical - promise I am not depressed haha)

A: All by Myself
(Eric Carmen - literally by myself)

B:Big Girls Don't Cry
(Fergie - i don't know if I am big girl)

C:Cry Me A River
(My boy J-T - from all my crying) 

D: Don't Stop Believing 
(Journey - I won't journey I won't)

E:Everybody Hurts
(R.E.M. - ouch)

F:Fire and Rain
(James Taylor - just a feel good one ya know?)

G:Goodbye My Lover
(James Blunt - bye)

H:Hello Goodbye
(The Beatles - everything goes by so fast)

I:I Will Always Love You
(Whitney Houston - i'll always love you of course)

J: Juke Box Hero 
(Foreigner - One of the hubs favorites)

K:Kiss from a Rose
(Seal - We both love batman haha)

L:Leaving On a Jet Plane
(John Denver - he drove in a car but, you get the idea)

M:Mamma Mia
(Mamma Mia - i am a going a crazy eh)

N:Never Gonna Give you Up
(Rick Astley - you are mine forever)

O:Oh, It is Love
(Hellogoodbye - yes, yes it is)

P:Party in the U.S.A.
(Miley Cyrus - inside joke. ya i know miley uh?...)

Q:Quit Playing Games with My Heart
(Backstreet Boys - i mean this as in "utah" not my lover)

R:Radioactive
(Imagine Dragons - 1. They are from Utah, 2. Song was in a Lebron commerical, 3. just gets you pumped up for awesome things to come, gets you in the zone)

S: The Scientist
(Coldplay - just a sad one)

T:Teenage Dream
(Katy Perry - ya, i just love him)

U:Under Pressure
(Queen - lots of choices to make)

V:Vindicated
(Dashboard Confessional - becoming something better)

W:We Belong
(Pat Benetar - we belong together duh)

X: XYZ
(EXAMINE YOUR ZIPPER - ya I couldn't find a song haha) 

Y:Yeah
(Usher - yeah my husband thinks he is usher sometimes)

Z:Zero
(Yeah Yeah Yeahs - countdown to our new life! :) )

much love,

JPB