Yes, that's us...

It's a new year & of course a delay in my blog writing bahahaha. I laugh because I really am bad at it. It's okay though, I do it for fun & in my free time which can be hard to find. Sadly, I need to make more of it but who doesn't. haha

2015 was amazing of course. We had a fun holiday with Ryan's mom and all his siblings. It was hard for me to leave. Mainly because I never had siblings close to my age and so it was fun to see that kind of love and togetherness. Not that I didn't have love, etc. growing up at holiday's, just a different type of closeness if that makes sense.  We didn't get to see everyone we wanted to but we are grateful for the time we had with everyone great or small, or not at all (maybe I should be the next dr. Seuss). It was a good and challenging 2015, but worth every minute. 

............

Lately life have been a little difficult to understand, not horrible things just more frustrating experiences/life in general/situations everyone knows about. 

1. Those things you get into and get from here to there, they have 4 wheels.

We bought a VAN, a Toyota sienna 2013, heck yes. haha #noshame.  I have never been a van person so it's been a different adjustment but worth it for sure. We needed a new car extremely bad. Having one car is rough. I wasn't able to leave the house when I needed to, felt a little trapped somedays. Honestly though, we had to make it work. Ryan works in SLC by the airport, and the trax system in Utah has no stops or bus stops where he is at. Also, he has his MBA to focus on and homework has to be a on his priority list. Anyways, so a couple weeks before Christmas, we found a good deal on the van and snatched it at Velocity here in Utah. Then a month later (aka: last week) our old car's engine went out. :( boo... I may have teared up. Only because the luxury of two cars was gone once again after such a short time. It is nice not having a car payment, so once we got the van it was understandable, but now that we will have two is moi sucky. 

2. Wanting to be something, knowing your not a certain thing, and wanting to fix it. 

Ugh, weight has been a struggle with me since I have had kids. I am sure people are like (oh, she has gained weight, etc.) haha I have been asked more in life if I am pregnant with not actually being pregnant this last year. I just carried all my weight from brooks in my gluteus maximus area and my abdominals that can't been seen. However, I will admit it's my fault. I wasn't very consistent with working out. And I love dessert I really do! haha it's not even candy, or pop (soda whatever), etc. I just love that end portion of the meal. With my schooling/degree I should know what is good and bad for me and I do. It was difficult for me to just do it, once again making that time for myself. Once we got another car I was able to go to the gym everyday, and I missed it! I love working out. Just forgot how much haha. So now that we have one car again, it's hard for me to do it at my house. I hate doing it at home. I have to many distractions (not sweets) but projects, etc. So frustratingly I have been trying to balance it and I don't know how to be honest. Just because I don't have a car to go to the gym is no excuse haha so.... A friend talked to me about a netflix documentary about wanting to be HEALTHY, not SKINNY. I have yet to watch it but it is so true. I need to stop saying "I want to be skinny", I really don't haha I want to be fit and healthy and I am fully capable of it. 

3. Children are so wonderful but can be so difficult to understand at the same time. (This is every human individual in this world right? haha so it should make sense). 

But it doesn't. I am that mom sometimes people have said to me or about my kids, not sure if they thought it but I know they have said, "Those kids need medication", or, "I don't think they get enough attention", "Does she ever sit still?" "Is she okay?" haha for reals sometimes it sounds funny to me because I laugh a lot of things off it helps. But it can be difficult. Not the words people say. I am not ever saying, ew who are you to say that "blah blah you (insert swear word I guess)" haha never. In my mind I say, oh shoot, maybe I need to focus on them more, or am I doing enough for Blaire and her behaviors? Is brooks okay that he is a momma's boy? For example, at church Blaire is one of the few, if only, sunbeam that runs around the primary room for an hour.  It doesn't help that I play the piano in there haha but I can tell it's annoying to people because it's annoying to me, and I see their faces. Not that kids should sit still 24/7 get real. haha in a perfect world. But when others don't understand her behavior problems, and when Blaire doesn't understand me or the why to be more reverent it becomes a game I don't like to play. This is also the case when she should be potty trained but isn't. She knows how, but chooses not too. I know I am good mom and can improve in some areas just like everyone else. Just hard to understand why sometimes. Another thing, my kids are starting to be more picky eaters. We actually eat healthy foods, I don't buy processed foods. I make a lot of things which I enjoy doing! (haha I just like dessert haha) We do a lot of organic foods too. Anyways, but when my kids don't eat anything I make and all they want is toast and cereal it get's old. Just eat haha okay? haha just eat yummy dinner. Easier said than done.

4. Overwhelmingness of broken things and wanting to fix them but can't just yet. 

I mean this in a real sense, not my soul haha. Our material items in our home are old, broken, and just outdated. (couches, tv, table, etc.) We have always moved to renters places and could hang things up. Holes didn't matter, but now it's our home, haha we have to be more aware of things. We love our home, it's our first actual home but it is slowly but surely getting to where we want it. And of course things cost $$$ and lately we have had to put that in new cars, etc. Honestly,, I haven't ever posted pictures inside because it's not "pinterest" worthy. We aren't embarrassed of our home but it almost doesn't feel like it is complete just yet. Johanna Gaines would be appalled at my curtains in our kids bedrooms, aka its a blanket. But I have thought in the back of my mind, when I go to a friends house, oh they would be so embarrassed for me if they came to my house. haha but then I know those things don't matter. And they don't honestly, but I think it is human nature to want things to feel complete. And on the other hand it all sounds so petty-like. It's this overwhelming sense of not knowing where to start but I feel like I have to. Just weird haha. Perfectionism at it's finest.

5. My voice is triumphant.

Triumphant as in = too loud or extremely needs to calm down. Aka. I am a yeller. haha Honestly that's the only way I have known things can be done. It's not all the time or everyday. But when I get angry or upset, or I have cleaned everything and a cracker gets smashed in the carpet, etc. that triumphant voice decides to come out. It's okay to have arguments or be frustrated, but in a tone that is accepting. haha I am pretty sure mine is not. I realized finding out about this weakness per say, it has hindered me from feeling better about myself, it has hindered me from being a better mother, wife, friend. 

Now that my complaining is done, I know everyone has their stuff. Their issues, their problems, their weaknesses. We are more alike in this world than I think we realize. When I look at the big picture of it all, I have my family. I have Ryan who works hard, he wants the things that I want. People don't realize his strengths sometimes. But we do here at home. Blaire is someone honestly I hope I learn how to be. She just goes for it haha doesn't care what people think I need more of that. Brooks is hilarious. He wants and chooses to be happy all the time. I don't know if an 18 month toddler really knows life in those aspects but his laughs and child-like nature is a good presence in the home. 

Also, having the gospel, having a knowledge of something higher/divine is a strength to have. It brings hope, and a purpose in this life. A wonder and awe of all the good things we do have in this world amongst the crazy (politics, wars, lies, he said she said, i am right you aren't, etc.). Pray is so needed! haha It helps with my triumphant voice, my worries for my children, my struggles to understand why, my hopes to become better in all aspects, to help others, et. I would be lost without it. We as people have been given good to do good with. I am grateful for this, for a Savior, for believing and knowing something that has never failed me. I can't deny His truths. 

Yes, life sucks sometimes and it's okay to know that. haha But it really is pretty rad :)

(Just in case you didn't know haha, the Broncos are going to the Superbowl. #lifeisgreat)

Much Love,

JPB

what time is it?...

I have figured out that my time has been challenged lately haha.

I have two children now, mind you one is a little busy compared to most, but they are doing great on their own schedules. Blaire has always been good with a schedule, but now with potty training in the mix these past two days we have had to adjust a little. 

Anyways, with being at home, running errands, having fun play dates, making dinner, (the list goes on as most people know), I blink my eyes and oh freak it is already 10pm. 

Honestly, I LOVE IT. 

I have always been a busy body myself, hmm wonder where Blaire gets it. (Okay, she is still the craziest and people who know her would agree with me). About a year ago I would feel so lazy all the time being with Blaire, just sitting around or cleaning the house. 

Overtime, I realize that my time has been dedicated to being a mother instead of my 2 jobs, homework, my husband alone, and other things. I am thankful to be able to have my time shared with Ryan and our two littles. Some don't get the privilege of family, marriage, or bearing children. Our given time and what we choose to do with it is precious and it varies from person to person. What a great blessing that is to have choice, find what our talents and gifts are, use them to our best abilities. 

On that note, we have been up to a lot of fun things these past couple of weeks...

{RYAN} 

............................................

He had a work party at Wheeler Farm. It was great! However it was pouring rain the whole time. And of course BQ wanted to still play in the water. Her and I got soaked for about 2.5 hours. I was very tired and exhausted haha but it was fun. Ryan couldn't run around with her and switch me every so often because he sprained his ankle playing softball! It was a really bad sprain and he had to wear a boot :( but he is doing a lot better. He also took Blaire on their first daddy daughter date. He took her tailgating and to the BYU game. Adorable! They had such a fun day. Thankful he wants to do those things, I love him more all over again.

 

The hubs also started school! :) Hooray! He is gone all day on Tuesdays and his time is devoted to homework on Saturdays mostly and then when he gets home from work. I do still get to see him though, not as often as I would like but I can't complain :). IT WILL BE WORTH IT FOR MANY REASON! I will say it again and again, but I am very proud of him. He has wanted more education for sometime now and it has finally arrived. He has great personal goals and I fully support him. I can't wait to see where his MBA takes him. I love my marketing man! :) 

{BROOKS}

............................................

He had his first BYU game! Ryan loved taking him, but daddy was heartbroken! His mancrush, Taysom Hill got injured as well as a bunch of other players. We were playing USU and lost. Bad day. We got a Cougar Tail and life was good. (For me at least haha). We didn't bring Blaire since it was a late game at 8:15. My friend Jessica was willing to watch her. Very appreciated! :) 

Brooks is two months now and staying a string bean! He can still fit in newborn clothes but I have started dressing him in 0-3 months. Development wise, he has started talking a lot more, smiling more than ever, and has a cute lil giggle. Sleeping, not through the night yet. It's a bummer haha but hopefully he will be like his sister soon. (She was and still is the best sleeper, always wakes up around 8ish even when going to bed around 9 :)

(He hates baths :( I try so hard, but if I keep
him clothed for a bit then slowly move the
clothes off, he does okay. haha)

We were able to bless Brooks this last Sunday. Seriously an amazing day. I will post about that in a couple days when I get the pics! 

{BLAIRE}

............................................

This little spit fire has a mind of her own. She started the terrible twos a couple months ago but her attitude has changed more; good and bad.  She just runs away from us thinking it's hilarious, which it is. But she is still jealous of the babe. It isn't as bad as it was. She will just want something all of sudden when I am feeding him or holding him. She will continue to cry until I put him down and see what she wants.

  

 

Blaire will officially be a "terrible two" at the end of October, 2 years goes quickly!

As for big changes for her, she is now in a big girl bed. LOVES IT. She does destroy her room every morning/night but she has gotten better. However, last night Ryan went to check on her and she was sitting in the 2nd top drawer in her dresser. We honestly have no idea how she does the things she does. A new surprise happens everyday with her haha. 

Her potty training has started officially yesterday. It is going a lot easier than I thought. We have a chart and stickers for her when she completes a task (washing hands, flushing, pulling pants up and down, etc.). I have to sit in the hallway and keep an eye on her or else she will escape and go pee in the living room. Her second day was better and she was more excited about peeing in the toilet. The first day she didn't really like it. What kid does though. Potty training is no joke though. So hopefully in a week we will have progressed a lot. It really amazes me how quickly Blaire can learn things. I for sure underestimate the mind of a 2 year old haha.

{In Other News}

.............................................

Ryan's little, little sister Katee got married! :) She married a great guy Mike! It was great too because all of Ryan's siblings were able to be there which won't happen often anymore. We all (minus Koy) were able to go through the temple with Katee and see them sealed. It was a fun weekend to be together and I am glad we all got to be apart of their special day. LOVE YOU GUYS! :)

This was kind of a catch-up post but I am now able to make time to write more often than I have which is nice. I don't know who all reads these haha but if you do thanks for being patient and I hope you will like hearing from me more often! :)

Much Love,

JPB

PS: Conference was amazing. I could devote a billion posts to how much I learned. If you missed it you can find all the talks here. I have been trying to build a better relationship with Christ which was one of my "questions" or things to look for during all the talks. Well, I better have learned something because everything was about the Savior! It was amazing. My eyes were opened and I do know that He loves me :) If you have a chance, listen to Elder Hollands talk :) It was a favorite of mine.

PSS: I am jealous of all those able to go to "Meet the Mormons" already. Ryan and I have yet to see it! :) I love hearing about it and if you want a chance to learn more about those of our faith (as I have heard it isn't about our doctrine but the lifestyle we choose to follow) go watch it! It is a great way to see how we devote our lives to becoming followers of Christ. 

I do know that my Savior lives, He loves us despite all our faults. Thankfully, he carries our faults and I know he died for me, atoned for me that I may live again. He is my light, and I am thankful that I have the little family I do. The plan of happiness has a greater meaning to me. To know I will be with them forever is a great hope, and it is all because of Christ. He is the Christ and I can't deny that. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. 

another little b...

I have finally got a chance to tell you all another birth story! I can't believe I am a mother of two. I always wanted children but it is completely different imagining having them and actually having them. If that makes sense.

Mainly, with Blaire everything seemed more overwhelming through the entire pregnancy but in a good way. All the memories came back when I read my post about it (if you wish you can read it again here). This time around I was had the mind set of "it's all good, I got this" which actually surprised me since I had another child to watch. She kept me busy which I think helped a lot, distracted me from being sick and worrying all the time. 

I also love how every "birth story" or whatever you want to call it is different. It was much easier, when I say easier it is pretty much an understatement compared to last time. 

I was also curious about having a baby in a new hospital, town, etc. It was nice that we got to compare from one place to another. (We loved it much better than Madison Memorial, not that it was bad or anything, just felt more comfortable here). I was really nervous at what to expect at the time of delivery and having new doctors, etc. We decided to go to Intermountain, well the big reason was because insurance, but we had heard good things about our location. Sure enough the whole process was great, I had nothing to worry about! My OBGYN was the best (even though she couldn't be there at the birth), but everything just went really smooth. OKAY ENOUGH SIDE NOTES!

Once upon a time...

Ryan, Blaire, and I were in American Fork visiting my cousin and her new baby Trey. He was born early and was in the NICU for a bit. He was so small but so precious.

(Mind you, he was born a month early and was supposed to be due after Brooks. 

Ya, that didn't happen haha).

Anyways, we came back home around 9:00ish that night and I felt some contractions. They were about an hour or so apart. By midnight they were about 10 minutes apart and very consistent. I was surprised at how much faster they were coming and I started getting way nervous. Even though I had Blaire already, I kept thinking he has to come out, hope everything goes okay, etc. Of course they hurt because by 3:30am they were every 5 minutes. 

I wanted to wait until 2-3 minutes because we live, no joke, about 1 minute from Intermountain. 

ANOTHER SIDE NOTE:

I should tell you that Brooks was 9 days late, which I assumed anyways because that is how Blaire was too. With her I waited 2-3 minutes and drove from our house to Rexburg and my water broke after I got checked in and everything. So I figured 2-3 was a good time. 

APOLOGIES, BACK TO THE STORY: 

I was supposed to go to Intermountain 6:15am to be induced so I figured if I could wait it would be best. I tried baths and anything I could think of to help calm those contractions but nothing was working. By 4:15am I couldn't handle it and they were 2 minutes apart. I am some what of a wimp haha and can't tolerate pain very well and I knew I had to go then. We had everything ready and left, I got checked in at the desk and then Ryan actually went back home to go sleep some more because I figured I wouldn't have him until like 10am or something. (I don't know what I was thinking). He left before the nurses, etc. came back into my room.

We still had Blaire and thankfully my AMAZING aunt Stacy was willing to watch her for us which we arranged awhile ago. We had been texting her randomly all night about my status so we weren't stressed about anything really. 

It wasn't until after Ryan left for about 15 minutes, they finally checked me and told me I was at a 6 and that if they try and check me again my water will break and the baby will come right out. I started to panic. They said if I wanted an epidural that I would need it now.

YES PLEASE. 

I obviously had my epidural at this point. 

The anesthesiologist was hilarious, and made me feel very comfortable haha. Him and the nurses kept wondering when Ryan was going to come because they said I was progressing way fast! And the next thing I know, I can't keep my eyes open and my body felt very strange. I had a reaction to the epidural and passed out. I could hear them all around me trying to talk to me but I couldn't move or do anything. My blood pressure dropped really fast and the baby went into shock a little bit. They did whatever they do best and I gave me what I needed to stay regulated. I was so upset too because I didn't want to throw up and what they gave me made me do that. They later told me that they knew something was wrong when I stopped talking haha. Typical me, never shutting up. 

By this time it was around 5:15am and Ryan still wasn't answering. I was at a 9 and still panicking because they said my baby was coming even though my water hadn't broke yet. My aunt finally answered the phone and apparently he had received my texts and such and was meeting her at Thanksgiving point to drop Blaire off. We should of just had her come to our house but we were all sorts of tired, and she was jet lagged from vacationing in Hawaii. We were all a little off our communication skills haha. It was funny because she started yelling at Ryan to hurry and come because of the situation and he was 10-15 minutes away. I just told him to hurry and that everyone was waiting as much as they could. 

He finally made it! :) It was such a relief to see his face and comforting. I didn't want him to miss anything and just wanted him with me. He is seriously the greatest support! 

They broke my water and nothing happened. The babe didn't move for another hour and half and I was at a 9 until about 7:45am. So during that time I tried to sleep but I had a headache from being so tired and was already anxious even though I hadn't slept yet. I was feeling some pressure to which helped and I knew he was coming soon! 

My epidural actually started wearing off on one side, so the next time the nurse came in she moved my heavy legs for me and checked me and said I could try pushing since the doctor was on her way. Ahh! I just kept smiling and was excited it was all happening so fast! (compared to last time which was like all day/night and 2 hours or so of pushing). 

So, I pushed and she told me to stop! His head was just barley coming out. I was like AHH! I can't stop! There was just a lot of pressure I had to push but I had to wait 10 more minutes before the doc came. I did mention above it wasn't my regular doctor, but she was also very nice! Very positive,  hilarious, and welcoming haha it was great.

I was being very patient but glad she came when she did because I only needed to push twice and our little boy came! :) They hurry and put him on my chest, cleaned him off, oh it was one of the sweetest moments! And Ryan didn't miss it! :) 

Thursday, August 14, 2014

8:15am

Brooks Ryan Bennion

8 pounds 6 ounces 20 inches long! 

First pic of little Ryben!

He looks so swollen in these pics! And he actually had the embillical cord wrapped around his face. There is a huge bruise on his nose/eye, he had it for about 2 weeks.

Ry and Brooks! Ryan doesn't think he looks like him
but everyone else does. He says he can't tell. Silly daddy.

We have always liked the name Brooks even before Ryan and I met really. And we felt good about it! :) He looks like a Brooks to us so haha it worked! Ryan's family has a tradition with the first born son taking hid fathers first name as a middle name which is why we have the Ryan. :) And Brooks is the first grandson for all our families! The Bennion name lives on!

Anyways, it is just a joy of overwhelming love to have moments like these. Especially having Ryan there. Brooks was so perfect, his little cries were the cutest too! :) 

It was as if nothing else mattered and we knew everything we had done in our lives was right because we had our little boy. And that we had done it before with Blaire made it that much sweeter. 

The rest of the stay was seriously amazing. I got to have my Lorne Doone crackers. I don't know why but they are my favorite and I could have as many as I wanted! :) We had so many visitors and we loved it. My family came from Washington for a couple days which they didn't get to do with Blaire.

Ryan loved the hospital socks, he had to document.

Had to capture this amazingness.

Stacy brought Blaire to us that night and oh was she so excited. It was such a sweet moment. She came up on the bed and just kept saying baby! With a big smile on her face. I cry every time I think about it even though I didn't cry when it happened haha. I just love my kids! :) 

First family photo! :) 

Ryan was able to take Blaire and just sleep at home since it was 1 minute away and I was completely fine by myself. We both were so tired and needed some sleep. My family wanted to take Blaire since they hardly get to see her so they took her for the day. She had a blast! They went and played in Salt Lake while we had more visitors and just relaxed at the hospital. 

My dad and Blaire :) 

Grammy Pammy and BQ! :) 

Our last night I won't forget because I actually was lucky enough and had a friend from back home as my night nurse! :) Rian (Funk) Deleo one of the best surprises ever! :) It was nice having someone I knew there, made me more relaxed to go home the next morning. I didn't have to stay the whole 48 hours but I guess but it was nice with all our visitors and very worth it having Rian there that last night. She is a great nurse and everyone should be lucky and thankful to have her! She was as great help to me more than she knows! 

We just wanted to say how thankful we are for all the family and friends that were able to come by at the hospital and after we came home. We felt so loved and glad you shared that love with us for little Brooks with support, hugs, and kisses, and gifts, and everything! 

Grandma Nae (Ry's mom) :)

My dad with Brooks :) 

My family, who lives in Washington, with the babe :) 

Grammy Pammy loves her Brooks :)

My sister Chloe :)

The AMAZING aunt Stacy and Chels! :) 

Cousin Ellie and Brooks! 

Ryans sister Karly :)

Karly's husband Wade :) 

Ryan's dad, Gary :) 

MaMaa Lori! :) 

Cousin Ivy! (Karly and Wades litte babe) 

My mom and her BF Mike came to see the babe
and make us a yummy dinner! :)  

Aunt Katee and Uncle Mike! :) 

My mom came back and stayed with me for
a couple of days to help out. Here she is with
the handsome lil' guy. 

My close friends Kenzie and Jessie came to visit us! :) With their
beyond adorable kiddos. 

My grandparents wanted to come see my cousin Hilary's new
baby Trey and Brooks! 

Thank you all again! Brooks is very blessed to have you all in his life! :)

Our kids seriously are the most precious things in this life. Heavenly Father is so gracious in letting us have such a great responsibility and I am so thankful to have the gift to do so. Recently, Ryan and I have heard so many stories of heartache with the loss of a friend, tragic accidents, and sweet little babes with illnesses, etc. We have much to be grateful for. Our life is truly a happy one and to know amongst heartache we have the plan of happiness to hold onto is a needed hope Ryan and I always cherish. Hope that there is a Christ and that He lives today is a great motivation to always want to follow Him no matter what we have to face each morning. We don't know how so many overcome what they do but what great examples they are to us. Thank you for your testimonies and strength in Christ, it doesn't go unnoticed. 

We are so thankful for you Brooks! There is so much love for you here! We can't wait to see what you do in this world. WE LOVE YOU! :) 

THE END.